a torn soul

Christian

2010-08-02T00:39:00.004-04:00

i was reading Don Miller's blog and he posted some comments on author Anne Rice's decision to disassociate herself with the term "Christian". i think i had three or four simultaneous reactions to the news including: 'she can't do that', 'coolio, maybe i'll get in on that', and of course ' why?'.

the answer to the third is clear, i think. she's among those who hate being lumped together with the clearly non-Christian attitudes and actions often perpetrated by the people that call themselves Christians. that's where the 'coolio' response came in, i don't want to be associated with that stuff either. though to tell the truth, if i don't want to be associated with those attitudes and actions, i probably need to do something about those attitudes and actions in my own life, i'm just as guilty of them as anyone else is.

the 'she can't do that' response had it's roots in the natural distate all humans have to being called out on something. i don't enjoy it when someone points out that i'm wrong. it sucks. it's also a reaction to the idea of someone saying that they're still following Christ, but no longer a Christian (the thought process goes something like: wait a minute, if you want to follow Christ, you have to call yourself a Christian. we've got the only entrance-ramp to the Way). you'll have to read some books by people who have done actual research if you want to figure out non-Christian Christ-followers (i'm proud of my double parentheses term there). i'd suggest Brian McClaren and N.T. Wright; you may or may not agree with them, but they do have interesting things to say.

but i digress. i wanted to talk about 'Christian'. what does it mean? where did it come from? why are some people disassociating themselves from it? the term is not a sacred one, by which i mean it is not a special name set apart by God for believers. the word is first used in Acts to refer to the believers at Antioch (11:26 for those who would rather read for themselves than take my word on it) . It was coined by non-believers to refer to 'those people': the ones following Jesus' teaching.

and therein lies the term's attraction for me. it's what those outside of our faith first associated with the disciples. it's an ancient term that the members of our faith embraced as a distinction. something that set them apart from the rest of the world. a word that when used made clear that 'i follow that guy'. the crazy one that died then rose again on the third day. the one that went on and on about love. the one that healed the sick and raised the dead.

it's unfortunate that people have associated the term with ideas that do not represent our Savior. but doesn't it make more sense to try to fix the perception than drop the title? maybe it's my sentimentality or love of being associated with history, but i think it's awesome to be able to claim a term that was given to me by others. that those not of my faith can look at me and say 'he's a Christian, look he's trying to be like Jesus'. of course, we have to try to be like Jesus if we want that.

if you want to read an interesting discussion of how common usage can water down terms like 'Christian' and 'gentleman', check out the preface to C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. he's a smart dude.

Evil and What We Should Do About It.

2010-01-18T23:49:00.004-05:00

the problem of evil in our world is a problem believers have wrestled with since the inception of our faith. i don't claim in any way to have the answers, but i'd like to propose what i hope is a fresh perspective. the most common question i hear with respect to the presence of evil is "how can a just God allow evil in the world?" or the slight variant "if God loves us so much, why do bad things happen to good people?"

the underlying assumption of these questions is that a good, just, and loving God would wave his magic wand and remove evil from the world instantly. putting aside attempting to force an incomplete human perception of the divine on an infinite God for the moment, i feel this is a question we can answer by examining the evidence provided in scripture. first, we need to acknowledge that the presence of evil in our world is a direct result of humanities actions. As a species, we chose to allow evil into our world when we ate the fruit off the tree.

a common point at this juncture in the discussion of the problem of evil is "why did God even put the tree in the garden?" while i in no way have a perfect answer for this, when i look at the way God acts toward us and examine the things he asks us to do, i come to the conclusion that He is glorified when we make choices. God gave us reason and intellect to use. He gave us the ability to chose how we should serve Him, and even gave us the choice to not serve Him. i think God is most glorified when we have the ability to chose to not serve Him and we do it anyway.

with that established, i think we must address the presence of evil from a different perspective. the question should not be "why is there evil in the world?" but "what has/is a good, just, loving God done/doing about the presence of evil in His world?" the obvious answer is that He sent His Son to die in order to defeat evil in the world. and had He left it at that, i might say that that could not possibly be enough to fix the problem of evil. if we approach our faith from a dichotomous spirit-is-good and flesh-is-bad perspective, that's where we end up. we often approach our faith with the idea that Jesus died on the cross to save us from the spiritual effects of our sins, and so once we pray a prayer everything is better.

unfortunately, anyone who has experienced this knows that is not a satisfactory answer. we want more, we want a better answer, we want to know why we're still suffering, and i think we should want all of those things. Jesus did indeed die for our sin, but He didn't stay dead. He was resurrected and spent time with His followers after his death and resurrection. I think as believers we have a tendency to separate Jesus into pre- and post-resurrection Jesuses. not consciously, of course, but we fall into thinking that Jesus before his death was the one worried about the poor and the orphans and widows, and the one after the resurrection wanted to save everyone's souls from eternal damnation (probably another topic for another day).

i think a lot of times we forget that Jesus told us to teach all things he commanded us. if a man asks for my coat, i should give him my shirt as well; i should sell all i have and give the money to the poor; care for orphans and widows. there is absolutely evil in the world, Jesus came and died, giving us the ability to fight evil, then told us to go out and do it. to go fix the problem we created. He told us He'd be with us every step of the way, that we don't have to--and can't--do it alone, but he did make it quite clear whose responsibility it is to fix the problem.

these thoughts were sparked Sunday morning as my church was praying for Haiti. One of the women in the church prayed "Father, i claim Haiti for Jesus." i think that's a wonderful prayer, i think that's a Godly prayer. but i think that the Lord has given us the responsibility to fix the results of evil, not just spiritual results, but the tangible, physical results that are just as important as those spiritual results. we're not split persons with an evil physical nature and a good spiritual one, we're complete persons who have been broken by the results of our sin and we need God to fix us in both body and spirit. to return to that prayer, yes, claim Haiti for Jesus, i think that's a Biblical thing to do. but i believe that the Biblical follow up to that is to go out and take it. to follow up our powerful prayers with powerful actions and, with God's guidance and power, to fix what we've broken.

some thoughts on the eve of a premiere

2009-11-19T11:51:00.005-05:00

so i've been thinking about some stuff since around the middle of the summer. specifically, since i read the twilight series by stephanie meyer. yes, i did indeed read it. i feel like avoiding something and ignoring it takes away my right to have an opinion on that thing. and i like having opinions.

as i read through twilight and the next three books i felt like something was off. just wrong. the story was fine. the writing was halfway decent. it's not going to be a classic piece of literature, i don't think the depth is there, but it's not a terrible book and i even enjoyed much of it. but something was off, and i think that finally crystallized for me last night as i was struggling desperately to fall asleep.

the problem is the titanic struggle of love versus attraction, of selfishness versus selflessness, of creating unrealistic expectations. and i think that's what has bothered me about the complete enjoyment of these books and movies that i see. i feel like the ideas that are planted are going to result in pain later in life.

that's the general problem, i'll take some time to flesh this out with specifics. the book tells the story of edward cullen, a vampire, and bella swan, a misfit high school girl. they fall madly in love and can't keep away from each other, and life is complicated by such problems as edward's vampirism, a werewolf falling for bella, a secret society of ancient vampires that take it as their mandate to maintain the secrecy of vampiric society.

cool story, lots of tension, etc. the first book was, however, filled with a general confusion between love and attraction. some quick definitions for the purpose of clarity. love is a choice. it's a decision we make to care about someone regardless of future difficulties, of changes that may happen later. it's not something that happens, it's not something that we fall into, it's something we decide to do and there is no halfway. attraction is something else entirely. it's fairly self-explanatory, but it's important to point out that attraction is not a choice. it's something that just happens and is dependent on both our inherent qualities as well as our socialization. i don't decide who i'm attracted to, but i do decide who i'm going to love and how that's going to look. attraction is not bad. it's necessary, it's one of God's greatest gifts to us, but let us be perfectly clear: attraction is not love.

in the the first book of the twilight series we see a picture of two people who are wildly attracted to each other. they can't keep away from each other, they break rules, they fall madly "in love". pretty standard stuff, really. this perspective permeates popular culture. as believers, we have not done the best job of countering that issue, but it is something we are at least aware of and can combat (though divorce rates in the American church may show differently, that's another topic for another day). The biggest problem begins in book two.

the book opens with edward leaving bella. he leaves for a good reason, he feels like he is a danger to bella due to his vampiric nature and does not want to hurt her. possibly an unselfish action, though later we discover that it may not be as selfless as it appears on the surface. the trouble starts with bella's reaction. she tries to kill herself. she becomes hollow, lonely. she becomes a half person. the loss of edward is so devastating to her that she loses track of who she is as a person. now i know that most believers "know" that we are not to find our identity in anyone but the Lord. but do we really know this?

i want to get married at some point, i want to have that kind of deep relationship. but the thought that i would ever have my identity so tied up in anyone but God makes me sick to my stomach and i pray that God will not let me fall into that. So that's the problem with the book. why does this matter to me?

i feel like when i talk to people about this book they fall into two camps: "twilight? oh that's stupid" and "twilight? it's the best! such an amazing story!" i won't go into some of the other opinions on the second camp cause frankly, they make me uncomfortable. my point here is that i feel like this series is creating unrealistic expectations of relationships. i can't and shouldn't tie myself so deeply to any person that i loose track of who i am when i lose them. i feel like people, and girls especially, get this warped view of what guys can give them and that worries me. i'm worried that it will lead to broken relationships down the road.

guys deal with other things, i'm not saying that all broken relationships should be blamed on feelings created in girls by twilight, that's a ridiculous proposition. what i am saying is that if we're unthinking in our evaluations of our entertainment, they will begin to influence how we think, and twilight happens to be both salient and a good example of how this happens.

i haven't talked to many people about this series on a very deep level, so i don't know who thinks what. i don't want to say that everyone i talk to unthinkingly loves this work and unquestioningly agrees with the picture of love and attraction that is presented by it. but when i do talk to friends about it there answer is rarely "yeah it's fun, but it's got some messed up pictures of love", it's almost always "twilight is so good." perhaps i'm at fault because i don't try to dig deeper and find out people's opinions. i'm going to try to do that because it does bother me that this wrong view of love has so permeated our society, and even our christian community.

finally, i'm not saying that we shouldn't watch twilight or read the books. in fact, i think we should read them. rather, my point is that we should read them discerningly. let's understand our view of love and enjoy entertainment in the light of our beliefs.

Community

2009-03-18T19:22:00.002-04:00

i've been learning some interesting things about this word we throw around (the one in the title). i talked about it some in earlier posts, but i want to develop some thoughts more fully, if i can.

i read something that really caught my attention in Brian Mclaren's book "A Generous Orthodoxy". i don't have the book with me so i'll paraphrase: the church is a continuation of the original twelve disciples, a group of people learning to follow Jesus in a voluntary community. Mclaren was summing up what anabaptists believed about the church, and it really stood out to me. anabaptists are pretty interesting people in the first place, with some pretty radical beliefs about non-violence, etc. but this idea of the church is something that's new to me.

the concept has been rattling around in my head for a while, but this is the first time i've see it written out clearly like that. naturally my mind took off. what if that's how we thought about church? we always here that the church is the community of believers, but do we really live that way? what if instead of saying "i'm going to church" we said "i'm going to spend time with the church" or "i'm going to meet with the church" or how about "i'm hanging out with the family tonight?" imagine the radical difference we would see in church life if we thought that way.

One of the saddest things for me recently is to see how not only our society, but even our community of faith has become radically individualistic to the point that believers oppose legislation that benefits the poorest of the poor. i don't mean to insinuate that these are great programs that could never fail, they are usually filled with waste and rarely give people the support they need. what i'm trying to say is that many conservative right wing christians are opposed to the concept of caring for the poor. the philosophy of social darwinism has permeated the core of our faith in America even as we fight the far less insidious biological Darwinism in our schools.

what happened? when did we turn the commands to care for the widows and orphans into opt in programs? i've said it before, but it needs to be said again. it's not about me and God, it's about us and God. when the Father saw man working alone in Eden he said "it is not good for Man to be alone". God wasn't just creating a helper when he made Eve, he was creating a community, one that was supposed to fill the earth and subdue, all in relationship with God. us and God.

there are a lot of ideological reasons for the prevalence of American individualism in the churches including the influence of Lockian Liberalism at the time of the founding as well as the infiltration of Social Darwinism in the early 1900s and this could get ridiculously long if i went into it all. suffice to say that i believe our community has been hijacked to defend the interests of the wealthy when we are clearly commanded to defend the orphan and the widow. i think it's time we took our community back and start being the church.

peace.

what can i say

2009-03-15T16:57:00.003-04:00

the team just got back yesterday from MO after spending a week there working at a christian childrens ranch. i have so many half learned lessons and mixed metaphors running around in my head right now; i want to try to get some of them written down and maybe they'll start to come together into something cohesive that i can actually think about without getting confused.

the first and, i believe, most important lesson is that of the christian's responsibility to be a part of what we know as social justice. i know that a lot of times those of us in the conservative evangelical (ce) branch of our faith think of social justice as something that those liberal so-called christians do in order to work their way to God. you know the ones, those heretics that believe that Jesus didn't really rise from the dead and that he wasn't really God. guess what: despite their less than orthodox (read:wrong) beliefs about the divinity of the Son, they actually got something right. Titus 3:14 reads: our people must also learn to engage in good deeds to meet pressing needs, so that they will not be unfruitful.

so often in the ce tradition (most ces would cringe at the word tradition, but ce has become just that) we use the word fruit to refer to something ethereal. we use fruit to refer to the "immortal souls" of men. we use fruit to describe our personal growth as we learn more about God. we use fruit to describe a set of attributes that are truly visible only when we're acting them out in our lives, but that we so often lump together in this hypothetical "christian character" classification.

paul is not talking about this when he says we shouldn't be unfruitful. he's saying that we need to be active in good deeds to produce fruit. fruit is something that can be produced by our physical actions. this doesn't make any sense if we continue to use the ce paradigm. a worldview that has been so inexplicably influenced by second century gnosticism that it has morphed into something that doesn't resemble early christianity at all. we've fallen into an incorrect mindset. the shift was subtle, but it is clearly there. we seem to be under the impression that the physical world is evil, that the only remedy is for God to completely destroy it and take us believers away to a spiritual plane to live in eternal bliss.

there is no way in my mind that i can reconcile this to what i see in scripture, allow me to give a few examples. when Jesus rose from the dead, he went to great lengths to show that he was actually physically alive. eating with the disciples and cooking breakfast for them wasn't just a way to spend time with them, it was to show them that he indeed had a physical body. why do all this if God is going to simply destroy this physical plane of existence and exchange it for a purely spiritual one.

as for the idea that we're bound for an existence of eternal bliss worshiping the Father, i think the concept is correct, but it's implementation is not. when God created humanity, he gave him a specific purpose: man was to care for the garden with his helper, the woman. they were to fill the earth and subdue it, and give names to all the animals. part of being human is to be engaged in work, to actively be filling the earth and subduing it. the rest of being human is to be in a relationship with God. God gave us a clear task, one that is not complete, and one that we are frequently working against. So what is the Day of the Lord going to look like? i can't believe that it involves the annihilation of creation. creation is what we were made for. we are the caretakers of what God made. if God destroys creation, he doesn't need us. the Day of the Lord will most definitely involve a purging of creation, a destruction of the evil in the world, but not the destruction of what is good and beautiful, the parts that we were made for.

it may seem like i've drifted from my original point in this post, but we really just took the long way around. if creation is not to be destroyed, if we are to be a part of the world God created for eternity, then what we do on earth matters. the evil that we do will be destroyed, purged and washed away, but the good we do will stand. the good deeds that we do will bear fruit, a lasting legacy in eternity. so back to shiloh christian children's ranch; the people there are doing good deeds that has and already will bear fruit. many of the children that have spent time there have eventually found their way to a relationship with the Father. the ranch is having a huge impact on an incredible number of people, all because a few families really believe that their good deeds will bear fruit.

i'll talk about some other thoughts i had about the week in future posts. also, a lot of the ideas i've discussed are proposed by Bishop N.T. Wright in his book Surprised By Hope. others are thoughts that i've had that were sparked by reading that book. i'm sorry i don't have everything footnoted properly. ask me if you have any questions about anything i've said.

peace

electricity is fun.

2009-02-20T21:30:00.002-05:00

So i have this old laptop lying around, i figured i'd try to do something with it. the power connection is broken, so i decided to hardwire the power cable (blue and red) to the laptop, bypassing the little connector/adapter board that broke in the computer.

after removing the board (which i did years ago when i was going to try to find a new one, and have now lost), i found myself facing a conundrum. i need to go from the two wires in the power adaptor to the four that are in the computer.

the problem is, i don't know (a) if this will work and (b) what goes to what. now my guess is (a) yes, but if it doesn't i go from having a non-working laptop that i've scavenged for parts to pretty much the same thing, so no big deal there. as for (b), my guess is that the wires in the red circle is the ground (they were originally sheathing the blue). and blue is the hot wire. as for the laptop side, i know red is hot and black is ground. what i really need to know is can i combine the two grounds and two hot in the yellow?

i need to get a soldering iron to finish this up, which means waiting till radio shack is open tomorrow. if anyone has any ideas or suggestions they'd be greatly appreciated. otherwise, i'll play it by ear.

peace

puzzle

2009-02-19T16:29:00.003-05:00

This is just one of a huge list of puzzles on this site. i was able to figure it out, which is why i re-posted it. heheh.
The Bridge

4 people need to traverse a bridge. The bridge is old and only two persons can use it at the same time. It is night and to traverse the bridge a flashlight is needed.

The group only has one flashlight. Each person traverses the bridge at different speeds and when 2 go together the faster one needs to adapt for the slower one (otherwise they can't share the light).

The first person (A) needs 10 minutes to cross the bridge. The second (B) 5; the third (C) 2, and the fastest one (D) only 1 minute.

How long does it take the group to cross the bridge.

Example (not the most efficient one):

A+D -> // 10 min (let's assume the slowest and the fastest go first)
D <- // 1 min (D needs to bring back the flashlight)
B+D -> // 5 min
D <- // 1 min
C+D -> // 2 min (and the group has crossed the bridge)
--
totals 19 minutes.

There is a better way.

Note: A computer program would find the solution. So no tricks involved.

from http://wiki.xkcd.com/irc/Puzzles

peace and enjoy

love, community, and bishop wright

2009-02-17T12:54:00.003-05:00

i've read a lot of Bishop N.T. Wright recently, and i've come to the conclusion that he is indeed a brilliant man. we've been talking about community and love at ccf, and it's reinforced in my mind the importance of those two concepts. my connection of two of these subjects is in the pre-eminence of love. Wright proposes that as believers we need a new epistemology(study of how we know). he proposes what he calls an "epistemology of love", the idea that we know things through love, that we can only know things fully through love.

it seemed strange when i first heard it, but it has grown on me. i don't think i fully understand the practical implications (it seems like it might have a hard time replacing empirical testing in science), but for a huge part of our daily lives, it makes wonderful sense. If we apply it to our relationships, we gain knowledge about those around us through loving them. we learn about God by loving him. and, to tie in the third theme, we build and learn about our community through love.

Obviously Wright does a far better job of explaining this than i do, but the idea is fascinating, and i can't help but try to apply it to my field. political science has been so permeated by numbers and statistics and incomprehensible equations that it's become hard for me to see the people. sure, it's the study of power, and how governments work, but at its heart, i think political science is and should be about people. how different is it when we love the people that we study? would we understand people better if we loved them, instead of experimenting on them?

peace

hilarious

2008-12-15T22:19:00.001-05:00

i have two extremely funny things to share with you. both have happened to me while sitting alone in my room saturday and today.

First, i was working on a study guide for my Middle Eastern Studies class and typed the word "Jihadists" it came up as incorrectly spelled, so i right clicked to check what they suggested. i was pretty sure i'd spelled it correctly, but i wanted to make sure. The first spelling suggestion? "Judaists".

Second, i reinstalled windows on saturday (yes, a week and a half and already a full reinstall). As i was setting up the OS, a dialogue box popped up:
"Windows has automatically adjusted your screen resolution. If you can read this click 'OK'".

hope you find those as funny as i did
peace

thoughts on forum posts and chat/text shorthand

2008-12-15T17:34:00.003-05:00

so i've just spent the last thirty minutes reading through some forums online. my brain feels like i've been studying for three or four hours.

i used to think that spelling and punctuation errors didn't really bother me all that much, but now i'm not so sure. i think i've figured out the problem: i've grown used to reading works that use correct spelling and punctuation. i can read them faster, because i'm not actually reading every single letter, i'm skipping through it quickly, recognizing the shape of the word and moving on. so when things are misspelled or there are errors in punctuation i actually have to slow down and think about what is on the page, much like studying.

please don 't think that i'm saying i'm a perfect writer. i just use spellcheck, and proof read. i still make mistakes, which is why, if i'm turning something in for a grade, i send it to someone else to proofread it for me as well.

in short, plz dont writ like ths. its hard 2 raed.

Thoughts as i rode my bike across campus today

2008-11-07T19:32:00.002-05:00

-This helmet makes me look like an idiot, i'm taking it off...no, there's cop's everywhere, i can't afford a ticket. why are there so many cops in the middle of campus?

-Do those guys really have ratchet straps strung between trees to walk across? weird.

-Nothing says power nerd like wooden practice swords. oh, they're twirling them.

-Will i break the wheels on this bike if i try to jump the curb? probably. i better slow down.

grape kool-aid and hot dogs

2008-11-01T00:42:00.000-04:00

thought i'd title this post with my most recent meal.

so I was going to play a little guitar, but I realized that all my picks are in my wallet on the other side of the room. I decided to write a post here instead. it's been a long day, got a bunch of stuff done this morning before work. except laundry. I forgot the laundry.

i've been reading some more n.t. wright, 'surprised by hope' is the title of this one. it's been really good so far. the book is talking about our hope as believers for the future, what is going to happen when we die, what exactly is meant by resurrection.

it's really amazing how the doctrines of the church have become so distorted. for example, most christians believe that in the end God is going to destroy the world, because it is evil, and he,s just going to start over. we'll all go to heaven, and live happily ever after. but that,s not what the Bible teaches. in fact, that whole cocnept of the end times is blatant gnosticism (don't feel like writing out a full explanation of that, but basically gnostics believe that the material world is evil and the spiritual world is good, ask me if you want more info on that). what the Bible teaches is that the earth will be renewed. the Bible teaches that we will have new bodies, just like Jesus' body after his resurrection, absolutely material, but radically different at the same time.

we also see in scriptures a marriage of heaven and earth. we see in the final two chapters of revelation the new jerusalem descending from heaven to meet earth. creation is redeemed and renewed, and we can live at peace withboth God and man.

this is exciting stuff to me. so many people just think that when christians die we go to heaven and that"s the end, but there's so much more to it than that. Jesus is called the first-fruits with regard to his resurrection, that means there is molre to follow. that 'more' is us. how exciting is that? death will be defeated. the result of man's rebellion will be banished from creation, and we will be raised to live as a part of a reborn creation, to live in community with our Father and with each other.

this has been a bit rambly (new word?), but it's just what I remember off the top of my head from the book. if you want to know more shoot me an email or a phone call, or better yet, get a hold of the book and read it. it's thought provoking, as well as imformative. that's it for now,

peace

saturday night

2008-10-25T21:26:00.001-04:00

I worked all day at the football game today, good football weather, but definitely not good 'stand around at a makeshift store' weather. it was on the chilly side, I ended up buying a hat and gloves (accidentaly bought women's gloves, but whatever).

church tomorrow, not sure where i'm going yet, but i'll probably just end up going to first baptist. I enjoyed the music the last time I went. the pastor's not all that charismatic, I believe he reads his sermons, but the sermon was well organized and intelligent, like listening to someone read an essay. anyway, i'm gonna go watch a movie.

peace

musings halfway through the semester

2008-10-23T22:25:00.000-04:00

so I figure a little over a month between posts seems about right. I honestly thought i'd post on here fairly regularly, now that i'm back in a more structured environment, but obviously that hasn't happened. anyway, I got this crazy cool new phone with a qwerty keyboard and internet access, so maybe now i'll update regularly (highly unlikely, but it's a nice thought).

school has been good, but a lot of work and stressful. I rdcently had to re-write a literature review that I turned in, the professor said it was 'really inadequate', which I believe hasn't been used to describe any of my schoolwork until now. anyway, that kind of freaked me out, i'm used to not having issues like this in school. I re-wrote it and turned it back in, so we'll see how it goes.

as far as the rest of my life is concerned, I started attending campus christian fellowship a few weeks ago. it's been nice to get involved in a campus ministry again. I started playing with the band last week; there was a small issue with my class getting out later than I thought it would and me getting tob the service about eight minutes after we were supposed to start. if it happens again next week, I may have to not do it, I don't want to have them start ten minutes late every week beacause i'm not there. it has been really nice to be a part of a student body focused on corporate worship; I rally missed it in my time off from school. It,s a joy to be a part of one again.

so anyway, my thumbs are tired from typing on this mini keyboard, so i'm done for now,

peace

Grad School

2008-09-15T18:44:00.002-04:00

so grad school is awesome, i've been doing a lot of reading, some writing and a lot of working. i got a job at the university bookstore and i've been working pretty much full time hours. it's good cause i need the money, but it'd be nice to have a little more time to study. anyway, pray that i'll keep up with time management issues, that's always tough for me, but it helps to not have cable.

anyway, i'll try to update again soon, but that's the basics of what's going on right now, peace
drew

why do i have so many shoes?

2008-08-22T03:04:00.002-04:00

that pretty much sums up my thoughts right now. i just finished packing the car to move up to boone tomorrow, and i'm wiped. however, the overarching theme running through my mind right now is stated in the title. i have brown and black dress shoes, a pair of skate shoes (no idea why, cause i don't skate), a pair of tennis shoes, a pair of boots, and two pairs of crocs (one pair is about to blow out, so i have the next pair ready to go). and those are just the shoes i'm taking with me; i've got a whole box of shoes that i haven't wore in years.

anyway, the car is loaded, except for my guitar, computer and file box, and i'm ready to go. it's three in the morning, so good night to you all and keep it real

peace
drew

ponderings of an mk

2008-08-12T23:00:00.002-04:00

i may have mentioned this before, but i'll mention it again, i'm a missionary kid. we've also been refered to as a group as third culture kids(tck), kind of a broader term encompassing kind of a larger demographic. anyway, my point is that recently i was reminded how much of an mk i am.

i'll preface my story with a quick fact about driving in mexico. when another driver flashes their headlights at you, it means, in essence, "you are an idiot". with that said, let me continue.

i was driving down a two lane road a couple of weeks ago, heading down a hill and approaching a curve. as i headed down the hill i had drifted fairly close to the center line. a car came around the curve the other direction and immediately flashed it's headlights. my immediate reaction was to get incredibly angry. i flashed my headlights back and continued on around the turn. i didn't think i had been close enough to the line for someone to get mad at me.

i continued on around the turn and and saw a wreck with several cop cars slowing traffic. i didn't think much of it and continued on my way down the road. About five minutes later, i realized what had happened. the other car had actually been warning me about what was coming up around the turn.

it's hard to describe the feeling that an mk gets after an event like that, it's a combination of embarrassment, homesickness and a desire to disappear. this time, though, it felt good. it has been a long time since i've felt that feeling, i'd almost forgotten it. this time, it felt like home, and strangely enough, i hope i feel that again soon.

i want to talk about something else, real quick. this is primarily to my cousin mks out there, something that i've discovered about myself just recently. i just got back from the reentry retreat, where i was a facilitator helping orient mks returning to the states for college. while we're at this retreat, we spend a lot of time talking about how hard it is to get used to american culture. we throw around words like 'ignorant' and 'narrow', etc.(i want to apologize to any Americans reading, i know not all of you are, but there is a significant percentage that do fit the profile). anyway, the point is that i didn't struggle with that. it wasn't that hard for me to adjust and make friends here.

i didn't recognize it until later but this ease of transition caused me a bit of guilt when i was around other mks. i felt like i was turning my back on my home and for some reason that i was abandoning who i am. can't say that there was something specific that brought this up, but i have come to the realization that it is ok for me to fit in here. God has called us to different things and given us different personalities for a reason. He gave me the ability to feel comfortable(but not too comfortable) here because i need to stay a little longer than some might have to. anyway, the point is that if there are mks that are feeling this way, i wanted to let you know that it's ok, you haven't left behind who you are, and you haven't turned your back on your home. embrace who God wants you to be.

peace

quick

2008-07-07T23:43:00.001-04:00

so, quick note, i'm still alive. tomorrow i'm helping move my grandmother into an assisted living place. she's freaking out a little. it seems like things could either go really well, or horribly wrong. i've got to work at one, but my uncle and his family are here, so they'll be able to help once i leave. things are going okay on the school front, still working out the whole loan thing. like i said, quick note.
peace.

update

2008-06-15T13:36:00.002-04:00

i've been accepted into the graduate program at Appalachian state. I'll be getting a masters degree in political science with an emphasis in international relation/comparative politics. i'm excited about it, and praying for money and i'd appreciate it if you did too
peace

musings of a moderate libertarian

2008-06-15T13:33:00.001-04:00

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted, and I apologize to any of you who might read every once in a while. Some recent events have prompted my post, namely the libertarian party’s nomination of Bob Barr for the presidential election. I won’t go into all of the details on Mr. Barr (you can get all of that at www.bobbarr2008.com, check it out some time, you might find you agree with a lot of what he says), but I did want to jot down a few thoughts I have had recently.
Yes, I am a Christian and I am a member of a party that advocates the legalization of both drugs and abortion. How does this work? I’m glad you asked. The Libertarian party advocates two fundamental principles of Christianity, Freedom and Responsibility. These concepts are at the very heart of the human story. They are at the very heart of what it is to be human. At the core of what separates us from the rest of creation is the ability to choose how we will act, and the necessity of handling the consequences of our actions.
From the very beginning, God gave Adam and Eve the Responsibility of caring for the world in which he'd placed them. He gave them the freedom to disobey, and they had to deal with the consequences of their disobedience (we still are to this day).
I am not writing a treatise on original sin, though. The point I want to draw from this is that it is our responsibility to decide how we will act. I believe strongly that abortion is wrong. I believe that it is irresponsible to use narcotics, etc. I also believe that the legislation of these issues does not address the root issue. What we, as Christians, should be addressing is people's hearts. Until we start to restore America's worldview person by person, we will still have problems with drugs and abortion and drinking and smoking and whatever else one might think is the bane of western civilization.
So why am I a libertarian? First, I think it is the only party that still advocates the ideas of freedom and responsibility, providing us with what we need to truly be Christian in every way, outwardly in our actions as well as inwardly in our beliefs.
Second, I believe that the Libertarian Party is the only party that truly cares about what our Constitution says. Democrats and Republicans say they are interested in having a Constitutional government, but their actions tell a different story. I won't get into the details, but any party that advocates any more government programs, any more government spending, any more siphoning of power away from the state and local level to the federal level is not, in any way, a constitutional party.
Third, I am a libertarian because they advocate a return of power to the state and local level. I mentioned this briefly in the previous point, but it's so important it deserves more stage time. The original concept of America was a unified and very diverse band of states. Why did the Constitution have to be ratified by the states? Because they were autonomous political entities. Until the Constitution was ratified, most states had their own currency, their own foreign policy, and their own agendas. The Federal government could not even tax the citizens; it was dependent on contributions from the state governments. All this to say that only at the state and local level can a government be truly effective. Many of the Founding Fathers believed that a single large government could not effectively govern a large geographical area. Their solution? Leave the governing of the population to the local governments that can react to the individual needs of their constituencies. At the time of the founding, this was necessary due to distance and the lack of effective communication. So why would it be necessary now with the internet, telephones, and television? I would propose population size as well as regional differences. I currently live in the heart of the Bible Belt. The population here is far different from those in the Midwest. I currently live in South Carolina. People in this state are vastly different from those in North Carolina. I currently live in the city of Greenville; people here are worlds apart from those that live in Charleston. It is the height of arrogance to think that the four hundred some odd representatives and one hundred senators could possibly legislate this beautifully diverse nation. What's the solution? Leave it to the state and local governments to govern their local populations the way that the constitution originally intended.
And finally I am a libertarian because the party advocates a foreign policy of non-intervention. Interventionism was a reaction to the advance of communism. I'm not going to argue about the effectiveness of America’s foreign policy decisions during the Cold War right now (maybe later), but my point is that the Cold War is over. Whether it was effective or not as a deterrent to Communism, communist expansion is no longer the threat that we face. It’s time to change our tactics. Let’s use all of that money in more effective ways. Let's stop the preemptive strikes, let's bring our soldiers home, they've been gone for sixty years and I think they may be tired. The world has a lost a lot of respect for the United States because of our interventionist policies, and I am not advocating a policy of pandering to foreign approval. What I am suggesting is that maybe, just maybe, if we intervene less often in other nations affairs, maybe the rest of the world will take us more seriously when we do.
Number three is obviously important to me, and often understated or ignored, in my opinion. I want to emphasize, before I close, that the Libertarian Party is not a quick fix. I don't think anything will be. The nation has been on a consistent trend towards big government and less freedom since the 1860s at least. It will take a long commitment from the American people to correct the errors that have been made. It will be a hard road, but the end result will be a nation that has regained the respect of the world as a bastion of freedom and peace. That road will lead to the respect of the rest of the world and the reemergence of the United States as a world leader.

p.s.-There’s a lot of stuff that I should have footnoted and provided references for. I apologize for not including those. I would certainly include those if i were turning this in for a grade or for publication but this is a blog, and an extremely informal one at that. If you have any questions, I’d be happy to provide you the references. Email me at daboyter@gmail.com

grrrr

2007-08-19T21:20:00.000-04:00

i think that pretty much sums it up right now. not really my entire day, but the last couple of minutes. i'm trying to send an email to a professor at the university of alabama and my dang computer won't connect to the server, even though i'm clearly connected to the internet. which i obviously am cause i'm posting on here. it's nice to be living with my parents again, there are so many fewer things to worry about. of course my mind transitions pretty smoothly to worrying about other much smaller things.

we found a cat today, he looked pretty beat up so we gave him something to eat, and i cleaned him up a little bit. looked like he has a cold cause he had some kind of crud all over his face. he's doing better now, but we're keeping him out in the garage, cause he's probably still a little gross.

grad school, i'm finding out, is a bit bigger of a decision than college was. there are so many options to consider. every time i think i've got things narrowed down to a couple of schools i find some other good ones for different reasons. i wish i could apply to all of them, but the application fee makes that cost prohibitive. anyway, i'm excited about the next year and beyond, we'll see where things go. peace.

righteousness, not my own

2007-08-16T20:02:00.000-04:00

it's been a while since i've posted and i apologize to everyone or anyone who honors me with a read every once in a while. So i'm hanging in richmond, va for a couple of days, i head back with my family tomorrow morning to easley, sc to find a job and whatnot. anyway, last weekend i had the opportunity to spend a few days with some returning mks(missionary kids) who are headed to college. it was an incredible time to see how God is working in people's lives, and to give Him an opportunity to work in mine.
i must confess that my relationship with God has been in the crapper for the last little while. i looked through my journal and it skips from 1/17 to 8/10. not surprisingly, i've been floundering trying to figure out what the Lord wants me to do, just kind of moving through my life, graduating, working for a little while.
i'm going to be living with my parents for the next few months or so, i'm pretty excited about it. i'm really hoping that it will give me a chance to get things back on track and where i need to be with the Lord. i'm also hoping for some rest. it's amazing how worn out i get when i'm not depending on the Lord for direction. i worry more and can't sleep at night, it's really frustrating. anyway, if you don't mind pray for me. i have a tendency to fade back away from my relationship with God when i have a sudden surge back and i seem to always end up in the same place that i was before the surge.
i don't want that to happen this time. i want my relationship with my Father to be a never ending climb, one that consistently gets closer to Him rather than the roller coaster that it has been so far. anyway, that's kinda what's running through my head right now. there's a lot more to it, of course, cause i'm pretty nuts, but that's the general point. anyway, peace.

year anniversary

2007-03-27T01:38:00.000-04:00

so i was poking around on the blog page and noticed that the posts on here go all of the way back to March of 2006. pretty awesome, i've been blogging for a little over a year now. it's crazy to go back and read about what was going on back then and see how i've changed, in some cases for the worse and in some for the better. anyway, i felt like i should tell the torn sould blog happy birthday, so happy birthday, torn soul blog.

sleep?

2007-03-27T01:31:00.000-04:00

so i have six and a half hours till it's time for me to be at work and i haven't slept a week. i really don't feel like i'm going to either. just gonna sit here in my room till the caffeine wears off, the sit for a few more minutes trying to decide if there's enough time for me to get some real sleep and wake up in time or if i need to just suck it up and stay awake the full twenty four hours.
The reason i'm so caffeinated is that i was writing a paper, take home essay actually, and i just kept drinking the coffee the entire time. i got the essay done. i don't think i'm going to get a whole lot of rest until i graduate, and maybe not even until i leave this job. it's really wearing me out. i'm kind of a stay at home person, not at all an office person. but whatever. God gave me a great opportunity, so i'm thankful, i just hope another opportunity comes along before i die. I'd like to go to grad school and teach for at least a couple of years. peace.

are sundays time wasted with God?

2007-03-21T22:15:00.000-04:00

our percussion player at summit church posed that question to the worship team a couple of sundays ago. it really struck me as important and has been rolling around in my head for a couple of weeks now. he asked this question in the context of the real purpose of sunday morning worship being the joint overflow of our worship of God during the week. We are supposed to be spending so much time with God during the week that when the body gathers on sunday, we naturally build each other up with what we've learned during the week.
I'm sorry to say that i have not been living up to that standard. it's tough, but i honestly believe that it's acheivable. i pray that i will live up to that, that my personal time with God will be evident to others in my daily life. if this post seems disjointed in the middle it's because i took about a five day hiatus in the middle of writting it.

2007-02-19T11:05:00.000-05:00

is there some natural aversion that people have to the truth? why is it that people will not volunteer information? i'm talking about critical information that is necessary for me to make decisions about my relationship with that person and how to proceed with my life. i feel like every time i try to make a decision i have to go dig this stuff out of people and ask deep probing questions to get the most basic information. and then there are times when i decide to trust the person, hoping that they will tell me the truth right off the bat and be upfront with me. i've always had a hard time with that and it seems like every time that i decide to take what someone says at surface value it comes back around to bite me in the butt. to be honest, i'm tired of it. i'm tired of pursuing, i'm tired of waiting, i'm tired of having to deal with the fallout of these blasted situations. i'm tired and i can't see a solution and it sucks.

chillin

2007-02-14T22:03:00.000-05:00

so i finally go the chance to relax in java city (the coffee shop on campus) today. it's nice to be able to take some time out and just sit for a while. i think that's something that God has been dealing with me and showing me in past few weeks. i really believe that he created us with the need to just sit and relax. i've been so busy with things recently that i haven't been able to do that.
i've also been dealing with decision making. i'm in kind of a weird spot, cause i really think that God gives us the ability and opportunity to make a lot of our decisions in our life on our own. i don't think he has a specific path laid out for us that we will follow. at the same time, there are some decisions that we are not able to make on our own, that God has a specific direction for us to take. for example, Paul on the Damascus road didn't have a whole lot of choice in whether or not to believe what God was telling Him. It was pretty much a done deal. on the other hand, we have his decision to go to the Gentiles. that was not necessarily the way that God had directly told him to go. Paul could have easily continued on the same route and butted heads with the pharisees continually, and it probably would have born fruit in his ministry, but instead, Paul chose to go to the Gentiles, and God blessed his decision.
So basically it seems like sometimes, God has a specific plan for our decision and other times He allows us to choose and if we're not living in rebellion, He'll bless what we do. so here's where my problem comes in. which decisions do i make and which decisions does God make? so that's pretty much it for now. peace

until the day i see your promise come true

2007-02-11T23:32:00.000-05:00

until the day i see Your Promise come true,
i will wait for You.

a couple of weeks ago we had a concert in the chapel called resolution. one of the bands was called the Rose Factor. that line is part of the chorus of one of their songs, and it really stuck with me. it's a beautiful line, so hopeful, so sure that whatever comes, God's promise will come true. it's a really pretty song. you can check it out here

http://www.myspace.com/therosefactormusic

the quality is not the best, i'm pretty sure it's just a rough recording from a live performance, but you'll get the idea. check it out.

schneikes. that's a fun word.

2007-02-07T00:17:00.000-05:00

a lot of crap going on right now. put my phone through the washing machine. my starter died in my car. just tired in general. there're some situations, a situation i guess, that i still feel is not resolved. at least i don't feel good about it, and i don't know what to do. i'm praying a lot. if you don't mind, pray for me to. i guess the problem is that when i feel i've committed to something i have a hard time backing out, even if i know staying in a situation is going to be rough. it's like there're indicators that i'm in the wrong position right now, but i don't feel right about backing off. it's confusing and i don't want to explain the situation or say to much about it on a public thing. anydangway, the point is pray for me if you get a chance. and thanks to all of you who already are. peace

Tired

2007-02-05T23:33:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since my last post. a lot has happened, a lot i don't want to think about and a lot i'm not going to write about. i like being alive. i like doing the things that i do. i love people, even though i don't always feel or act like it. i like to help people, even though sometimes i complain. i really should be a lot more grateful for the things i have and the things that God has given me. i felt like i needed to post this cause a lot of what i say and talk about is kind of whiny, and i'm sorry for that. so anyway, a couple of quick thoughts. peace.

life and what goes with it.

2007-01-22T20:50:00.000-05:00

i don't know where that title came from. i like it though. i think i have a tendency to complain about what's going in my life. if you've heard that from me, i'm sorry. it's a horrible attitude to have, and i need to stop. yeah, there are things that don't work out the way i want them to in my life, often the things that i feel are the most important, but there are so many things that go my way like my friends and my job and my school. i mean who really cares that the patriots are not going to the superbowl? (i do, but it's not the end of the world if they're not.(it really is, but i tell myself that to make myself feel better)). that was a complicated set of parenthesis. i'm gonna stop there. quit while i'm ahead
peace

to be devoted

2007-01-19T00:10:00.000-05:00

i've really been struggling with something over the past few days, and i haven't been able to really put it in words yet. i think what i'm trying to figure out is "what does it take to be devoted?" are there some people that simply cannot be fully devoted to something? i hope not, cause if there are, then i'm probably one of them and i don't want that for me. there's a quote by St. Augustine on most of my pages. it's on this one and on my web page as well as facebook and myspace. i feel this quote totally captures my struggle. i desire nothing less than to be fully devoted to my God, yet i also desire to live life my own way. will that ever go away? can i ever beat it? will i forever struggle with this, or will it disappear as i grow in my relationship with Christ? can i even grow in my relationship with Christ while i have this struggle in me? i don't have any answers.
that's another thing that has been running through my head. in high school and my first couple of years of college, i didn't need answers from God. i was set. i believed that he would always take care of me, and that he had a plan in everything. it's not that i don't believe that anymore, i do. i just have a burning desire to know. i want to know things, i want to understand them. i'm curious, and i want to know why things happen the way they do. i think that it's a fascination with God that drives it. so here i am again. no answers. just this flailing hope and faith that God knows what he's doing every time he turns my life upside down.

Floating

2007-01-15T15:33:00.000-05:00

i don't know why, but sometimes i start thinking to myself that i'm drifting. not really going anywhere, not really doing anything. just kinda going through the motions because that is what's expected of me. it's bothersome because i know there is so much more to my life. anyway, i'm in kind of a funky mood right now cause i'm bored. i'm not depressed, i promise. peace.

hectic

2007-01-13T08:47:00.000-05:00

so it's been almost a month since the last post. I was in mexico for about two weeks of that time, then back here in charleston at work. it's been kind of crazy around here with events coming in and out, but it's been good. school has started now, classes are going. i'm not sure how they're going yet, but they are definitely progressing. i have a lot of reading to do this semester for classes, and i have every intention of doing it all. of course that's been the same every semester since i got here, and i've probably read about ten percent of what i was supposed to. so anyway, that's my life for the moment, thanks for reading, peace.

sick at work, sick of work

2006-12-18T15:47:00.000-05:00

so i feel kinda gross. i think i want to make a separate hole into the sinus cavities located in my face in order to let some of the pressure out. my head hurts, i can't hear anything, i don't know how my body produces so much mucus, and i feel like a turd. if you haven't noticed by now, i'm a huge baby when i'm sick. so anyway, i'm at work, i haven't really done much today. i had a meeting this morning, but that's over. i've got a few things to do before i take off on thursday, like clean out the campus ministries sound equipment and clear off the stage and some paper work. it'll be a fairly relaxed week, which will be a first. anyway, there's my life at the moment, peace out.

i wish

2006-12-17T16:52:00.000-05:00

"A comes before B. B follows A. This is the essence of sequential ordering. You might say that B's being B is a direct consequence or undeviating result of A's being A. Its happening and meaning comes from its context. We prepared and distributed a musical documentation entitled A Collision. It would be anarchical nonsense to have begun with B Collision. And thus, B follows A. It heaves its inspiration and signification from that which was ordered before it. It consists of a number of songs. Most of them rendered in the acoustical fashion. Simple constructions. Wood and metal strings. Vibrating the air. Some of these songs have been here before. But not presented in this manner. And then an occurrence of merriment on tour this fall. A moment of the "LIVE" variety that we insist on sharing. And there is the subtitle. A Collision possessed a subtitle and B insistently follows A and therefore B must and does have a subtitle. "The Eschatology of Bluegrass." Wood and metal singing. Moving the air. telling of how things will be ok. Regardless of how they seem right now. Something will follow. We are in sequence. And it just so happens we know the beginning and the end."

i almost cried when i read that. it's the introduction to B Collision by David Crowder. i don't know what exactly it was in there that made it so beautiful to me, but there was something that just struck me as meaningful so i wanted to share it. i hope someone else finds it as striking as i do. peace

home again, home again, jiggity jig

2006-12-16T21:56:00.000-05:00

so i'm flying home on thursday. breaks from school are always a bittersweet time for me, kinda like the chocolate chips. i'm excited about seeing my family back home, and i'm really excited about eating the food back home. at the same time, i'm sad that my friends that i've gotten to know over the years that i've been here have gone home. soon i'll be two thousand miles away in another country with little contact with them. i think it will be a good experience though. it will give me a chance to sit back and evaluate things that have happened over the semester, friendships that have grown, and decisions that have been made. it'll also be a relaxing time off of work and school and church and everything else that goes on.
i've got a lot of thinking and praying to do over the break, a lot of time to spend talking with my parents and other mentors about what's going on in my life. i'm pretty stoked about it. peace.

dang

2006-12-11T20:29:00.000-05:00

so my last post was almost two months ago, that's pretty bad and i apologize to everyone. if anyone besides me reads this thing. a lot has happened in the last couple of months. i've got a new job, i'm the chapel manager and events coordinator for csu, which can be a pain in the butt sometimes, but a lot of the time is really cool, just a lot of work.
i've been reading through Galatians for the last little while here. i've had the hardest time trying to figure out exactly what it means. i think i've finally gotten it down at least in a broad sense. my struggle with understanding it came from the fact that Paul emphasizes living according to the Spirit as opposed to the law. the source of the confusion was in how living in the Spirit looks different to an outside source than living according to the law. i struggled with it on my own for about two weeks or so, then i talked to my roommates about it. the conclusion that we came to was that there is no difference to the casual observer.
we made a comparison between two people who do not speed. one of them does not do it because he is afraid that he will be pulled over and given a ticket. the other does not speed because his mother believes that it is dangerous, and he loves his mother, and wants to do as she says.
i think the comparison is pretty obvious. when you look at the two cars objectively from the outside, the end result is the same. however as soon as you get into the car with those people you can see a marked difference. the one who loves his mother will not react in fear when he speeds, because he does not fear the consequences of speeding laws, that is not the reason he does not speed. on the other hand, if the person afraid of the ticket realizes that he is accidentally speeding, he will be afraid that someone has caught him.
it's not a perfect comparison, and i think i may have screwed up a few things here and there, but you get the general idea. we live under grace, we no longer have to worry about the law because we obey it out of our love for God. it is a natural outgrowth of that love. however, the difference is invisible to the casual observer. it takes someone who is on the journey with us to really be able to see it.
My point here is don't ever do or not do something because it is right or wrong. instead, love God, our love for him will be noticed by those who are making the trip with us.

lazy sunday

2006-10-15T17:26:00.000-04:00

it's sunday afternoon here in chicago after a huge meal of deep dish pizza and wandering downtown and the el for a couple of hours. needless to say, i'm sleepy. i wanted to get a couple of things written down before i fall from consciousness. we had some really interesting conversation over lunch, and i talked some about where i am spiritually. i wanted to put it on here just for the record. i think i'm at this place in my relationship with God where i don't know exactly how to "be" a christian. it's a weird place to be, because I know that my salvation does not depend on what i do, rather on Jesus' faithfulness in going to the cross. the thing is i don't know how to react to that. is there something specific that God wants me to do in response to his love and faithfulness? i can tell you all the church answer's, love the Lord your God, if you love me, you'll keep my commandments, but what do those look like? are we to be legalistic because of our love for God and obey everything that is in the Bible because we do? how does it look when someone, specifically me, loves God with all his heart? where do i draw the line with "gray areas" that are not directly addressed in the Bible. i can tell you, it's a scary and uncomfortable place to be, but maybe that's a good thing. God has a way of placing you in situtations you don't enjoy and then blowing your mind with them. so there's what's been running through my head recently,
peace

hooray for chicago

2006-10-14T11:27:00.000-04:00

well good morning from one of the coolest cities i've ever been in. i've been in chicago for the last couple of days hanging out with two of my closest friends ever, allison and beth. It really has been great to reconnect with them and spend some time together. chicago's pretty fantastic, it's nice to be in a big city again and ride public transportation. it's actually just good to travel again. i've been pretty much stationary since spring break, so it's nice to be out of charleston spending time on a plane, on the bus and in trains. so anywho, just thought i'd write a quick note about where i am and what i'm doing, peace.

oh yeah (in the kool-aid man voice)

2006-10-10T09:49:00.000-04:00

so i leave for chicago tomorrow, i'm pretty excited about that, i'm going to see two of my closest friends in the world, and chill with them for almost a week. it's going to be spectacular. anyway, i thought i'd post cause i'm skipping class and there's probably work i need to be doing for another class. whatever.
it never ceases to amaze me that God places people and situtions in my life the way he does. i don't want to say anything specific cause things aren't for sure yet, but suffice it to say that God has placed a freakin exciting sitution in my lap, so yeah.
i'm listening to five iron frenzy, i forgot how much i like them. you should check them out if you get a chance.
peace

yep

2006-09-16T18:38:00.000-04:00

so i just watched the buccaneers destroy wingate. we're on an eight game streak since last week, wheich is crazy cool. so i've been havinga rough time with life in general. it's tough for me when i'm busy. i'm at school all day, classes and work, then i get home and go to bed and do it again the next day. i have a hard time reading the Bible, not cause i don't feel like it, but i forget to. i keep thinking things will slow down in a week or so, but they don't. anyway, i'm going to rest this afternoon cause the football game wore me out. go bucs

busy

2006-09-05T14:25:00.000-04:00

so, things have been really busy, but life is finally setling into a routine. i've realized i'm terrible at doing homework, i mean really really bad, like, i don't even think about it. hopefully now that things have settled down i'll be able to get into homework mode. so there's a lot of work to do in the campus ministries office right now, so ima get going on that stuff right now. anywho, have a good day, thanks for reading. peace

Sweet

2006-08-26T20:12:00.000-04:00

school's been going for a little less than a week now. it's been really good, some incredible classes, awesome professor's, and oh yeah, some real great news, i've got a full ride this semester. it's such a relief, something that i've been worried about all summer, and all of the sudden, blam, God takes care of it. so things are lookin' up right now, but i still don't know what i'm lookin' at. if you don't mind, pray that God will reveal the next step for me. alright, peace

2006-08-21T15:17:00.000-04:00

so school starts tomorrow, and i'm really excited. it looks like it's going to be a blast. unfortunately i had to drop out of sga, so that's kind of a disappointment, but i'm really excited about what i'm going to be doing. i'm the vice president of bcm which looks like it's going to be a lot of fun. i'm going to be primarily spending time with the leaders of the ministries, making sure that they have everything that they need for their ministry, and making sure that they're doing well in their personal lives. it also looks like i'll be helping a lot with some of the administrative stuff as well. anyway, i'm in a meeting for the bible study leaders, so i gotta run, peace

MK reentry retreat

2006-08-05T15:46:00.000-04:00

so i'm at the mk reentry retreat this weekend(mk=missionary kid). it's been really cool to hang out with these guys. they're mks from all over the world who are about to start college. it's been really neat to talk with themn and try to get them prepared somewhat for what they are going to face in college. the speaker this weekend is a guy named kelly davis. he's been really good, really down to earth and easy to understand, and his messages have been relevant to what the mks need to hear, i think. it's been a really neat weekend, i've really had a blast. it'll be sad to say goodby to these guys tomorrow.

sporatic

2006-07-22T14:25:00.000-04:00

i was just looking back through the dates on my different posts and it looked kinda funny. anywho, things are going great, we're in the process of cranking up our last week of m-fuge, which is pretty cool, we're almost done. we had a meeting for the worship team at church, just kind of planning and trying to figure out where we want the church to go. the whole concept of the church in america just blows my mind. there was one point where someone said something about our services being too long, or that some people could consider that the services were too long. anyway, the services are about an hour and a half. i don't think that back home i ever had a service that was under two hours. the attention span of people has been so drastically reduced in this country, and even around the world. i notice it in myself, as well, i can't sit still for very long, if i have a class that lasts over an hour i start to lose track of what's going on. well, just some quick thoughts, peace.

storm

2006-07-14T22:32:00.000-04:00

so i don't know if you've ever been in a storm, and i'm not talking you sit in your house and there's some lightning and stuff, i mean you're out walking or even in your car, but all of the sudden the rain starts pouring and the lightning and thunder start rolling and there you are in the middle of this wind and rain, completely powerless to do anything about it. i don't know for sure, but i kind of feel like the last two years, i've been in a storm. i was blind, i couldn't figure our where i was going or what i was trying to do. i've been trying to follow God's will and his path, but the water keeps getting in my eyes and i can't see what is going on. i kind of feel like i'm starting to come out of that storm now, not that i know exactly what's going on, but things are kind of clearing up and i can kind of get a general direction.
so that's kind of my mental state. anyway, i just spent the weekend with my family, which was really cool. it had been a while since i'd seen them, and it was good to be able to talk with them and get some advice as to what i am doing.
i'm at a youth retreat sponsored by my church. i led worship, along with a couple of the other guys in the worship team. it was nice to be able to lead again, but the more i do it, the more i think that that really is not my gift. i can do it, but i'm not necessarily good at it. anyway, just some kind of random thoughts thrown together to give you a peek inside my twisted mind. peacec

dang

2006-07-09T21:54:00.000-04:00

so i haven't posted in a while, like months. a lot has happened, and at the same time, not a lot has happened. i guess i'm officially a senior now, i still don't know what i'm doing, but i think i really want to do a two year mission stint in Mexico and teach in the school i graduated from. i really think it would be awesome to be able to do that and teach some of the kids that i knew when i was in high school and they were in elementary school.
so i'm working at school again, i run sound for m-fuge, a summer camp that our school hosts. it's really neat, we get a new set of campers in every week and such.
i moved into and out of a house, and into an apartment in the last couple of months as well. i started at this house, and it just was kind of a weird living situation. i love the guys, but because of weird circumstances we got thrown together, and didn't know each other very well. so we moved out and found an apartment near the school. it's a nice place, and a lot of fun to live with these guys. so there's a lot of economic crap going on and such, so if you could pray for me. or if you don't believe in prayer, click the link to my website and go to the "what you need to know" section and see why i do. peace.

another time waster

2006-04-20T22:40:00.000-04:00

so i found another place and way to waste time. i guess it's not really a new way, but it is in this particular situation. so they just opened up a coffee shop in the library at csu. i've been here for like two hours today. it's amazing. so anyway, i just got done playing at a worship service in the chapel. it was incredible, three different churches played, ours, summit church, which meets here on campus in north charleston, point north community church, in goose creek, and crosstown community in west ashley. it was awesome to be able to worship with other believers in different styles. all three bands did a great job, and each one was a little different. it just reminded me again of how different people are. we like different styles of music, different ways of worshiping, and the most incredible thing is that it's all pleasing to God. peace
.

relationships

2006-04-14T21:04:00.000-04:00

so life can be a pain in the butt sometimes. i say that not because i hate life, i love it, it's an amazing thing to me. the thing is sometimes we have to deal with situations and problems that are incredibly hard to resolve. i find that often times, at least in my life, girls are at the root of these situations. rarely have i seen a situation that requires the complete breaking off of a friendship that involves only guys. however, when a girl is thrown into the mix, best friends can end up at each others necks.
i sometimes wish relationships were simpler. why is it that we have to deal with these things. i'm not saying that i hate girls, cause i don't. in fact i love them. i'm also not saying that girls are the sole root of all relational problems, because there are plenty of bad guys out there who are only out to take advantage of girls and get things out of a relationship. but then there are guys like me, or at least i like to think of myself as different. i really try hard to listen and communicate with girls, take care of them, open the door for them, etc. now what bothers me is that for some reason, girls flock to the bad guys, the guys who turn out to be jerks, guys who are abusive either physically, verbally or both. i'm not saying that i want to date these girls that do this, that is not at all the issue, the problem is that i love these girls. i feel like they are my sisters, and it hurts me to see them get hurt. why can't they go after the guys that are really interested in them.
anyway, that may be really dumb, but ima post it anyway, see if i get any angry comments. if anyone is reading this, who knows
peace

prolific

2006-04-12T23:39:00.000-04:00

so i guess i'm becoming a prolific blogger, but that's okay i really wanted to just talk to you guys about tonight. i went to denny's with robbie and josh. i'm not gonna say what we talked about, but suffice to say that those are two of my favorite guys. we had a good long talk about what is going on in each other's lives. i had a good time and was really encouraged by our conversation. i really hope that i was able to help them out with how they are feeling. there are some guys here at csu that really love, and i hope that i can be a real encouragement to them and truly be an example of a Godly man. peace

white

2006-04-12T14:23:00.000-04:00

white does not surrender, despite what you've been told
it's clouds of hope that fall on you now

that's denison witmer, an amazing musician and songwriter. i don't really know exactly what the line means, but it's beautiful. it's amazing to me the beauty of words. i hope i have been doing justice to the written word, and not just hacking my way through this. language is such a beautiful thing i'd hate the idea of me destroying it. this is kind of a funny post for me because i always complain about how unspecific the english language and how much more beautiful other languages are. anyway, if i butcher the language, let me know.

who are you

2006-04-11T11:44:00.000-04:00

so the worship gathering was awesome last night. we affirmed each other, and mel prayed for all of us. it was an incredible time. anyway, what i want to talk about is something that mel mentioned last night. and it is simply this. we are not who people say you are, you are not your past or your plans for the future. you are not an accident and you are not a screw up. hear this, and hear it well, you are who Christ says you are. we looked at Peter, and his three denials of Christ. then after Jesus has risen, he asks Peter three times "do you love me", Peter answers yes three times, and three times Jesus responds by saying "feed my sheep". mel explained it like this: Jesus was saying, "yes peter, you messed up, but if you love me, go and do what i told you to do." in other words, despite what we've done in the past, our betrayals of Christ, our mess ups, etc., if we love Jesus, let's go do what he's told us to do. peace.

to experience my God

2006-04-10T14:04:00.000-04:00

so i heard a story last night about a guy whose desire to feel God is far above any that i've had. why is it that i don't have that desire to experience God at all times? maybe because i can experience God whenever i want to, like mel said last night. i am able to anywhere i am realize that i am in the presence of a Holy God who loves me. and i think my problem is that i can turn it off as well. i think where i need to be is in a place, not where i just appreciate the presence of God when i feel it, but that i feel it all the time. i don't know if that makes a whole lot of sense, but i want to experience God in a way that i never have before and a way that will be with me continually. peace.

david crowder/third day show

2006-04-08T00:15:00.000-04:00

So it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, so I figured I’d do something, even though I don’t have any internet access. I’m writing this in word, so I’ll copy and paste it later. Anyway, I went to the david crowder/third day show, and it was absolutely amazing. David crowder was fantastic and blew away my expectations. He’s such an amazing worship leader, I didn’t feel at all like I was at a concert with hundreds of people around me, I felt like it was just me and God, and I could just lay out before Him and be in His presence. Then after the intermission, third day came on and once again blew away all of my expectations. It was probably the best show I’ve ever seen, at the same time, when they started doing some of their praise songs, it was so easy to “get into it.” Mac Powell is also amazing, he spoke some before they did “your love oh Lord,” and I was nothing but impressed. One reason I love third day so much is their message. It has always been one of love, both for one another and between God and us. peace

be quiet now and rest

2006-03-30T10:02:00.000-05:00

and what was said to the rose to make it unfold
was said to me here in my chest
so be quiet now and rest

i wish i could write lyrics like that, that's david crowder, and it's one of his most amazing lines. so i'm sitting here in class, bored out of my mind and writing on my blog. never thought i'd be doing this. what a glorious morning, and here i am inside. but then, who am i kidding, this is where i'd be even if i wasn't in class, inside, wasting time, surfing the web. so here's to the internet, the biggest waster of time ever to have been invented. i'm gonna go surf the web. peace

orangeburg

2006-03-25T12:28:00.000-05:00

i had the opportunity to lead worship and speak in orangeburg last night for a little youth group event. it always amazes me how God works. the last time i spoke in a church i was nervous beyond belief. of course it was also a sunday morning service with everyone there, but this time i felt prepared and was actually excited about speaking to these kids. they asked me to speak about friendship, so i did. i have no idea what these kids are like, but i pray that that is what someone in that room needed to hear. the music time was great, i hadn't led in several months and it was fun to be able to lead others to the Throne. it still amazes me that God can use someone like me for His Glory, and i pray that He will continue to do so, peace

Yo

2006-03-23T14:40:00.000-05:00

so i haven't posted in a while, for those of you that don't know, i have a website that i just moved all of these posts from. there's some good stuff there if you want to read them (at least i think so). anyway, i went to the worship gathering on monday, it was a great experience. mel(there's a link to his site on my website) prayed over all of us that were there one at a time, and i had the privilege of playing my guitar and leading the music. we sang amazing love, and just listened as mel prayed. it was an amazing time, one that God used to bring all of us that were there closer together. God is so good to us, all the time. i'll leave you with that, peace.

March 13, 2006

2006-03-23T14:29:00.000-05:00

i'm reading a book right now called "the true believer" by eric hoffer, and it's shedding some new light on some things. the book is a secular book on the nature of mass movements, and the most interesting thing i've seen so far is that in order to be successful, these mass movements have to promote a strong sense of unity, a complete loss of self to for the betterment of the whole. hoffer is talking about movements such as the nazi movement, the bolshevik revolution in Russia, and the french revolution. it's interesting to note that many movements like these really lost their impact and their following when the individual became more of a focus rather than the community. i want you to think of another mass movement that is going on now, and has been for a couple of thousand years. early followers of this movement called it The Way. this group of people was the most close knit community that you could imagine. they did everything together, they ate together, they helped each other financially, and not just each individual group, but the movement as a whole. you probably realize by now that i'm talking about Christians. the point i want to make is 'where are we now?' are we still this close knit community? or are we losing this sense of intimacy? if we are losing it, history has shown us that mass movements that do so die. just a quick thought for the modern day church.

March 12, 2006

2006-03-23T14:28:00.000-05:00

i was at my grandma's house the last few days, which is why i haven't posted anything on here recently. i got to hang out with my little brother, joel, for a few days, play some pool and racketball, that was pretty fun. it was really nice to have a bit of a break from school and other things going on. i played guitar in church this morning, like i usually do on sunday mornings. that's always a great time. it's fun to be able to hang out with the guys in the praise band and play together. anyway, school starts back up tomorrow, so i'm going to do some work, peace.

March 06, 2006

2006-03-23T14:27:00.000-05:00

so i was at work all day, that was pretty sweet, it was nice not to have to really talk to anyone for a while. that's the nice thing about sound equipment, it does what i tell it to and doesn't ever argue. i hung out with mel for a little while at b&n too. most of what we talked about had to do with a certain tension, i guess you could call it, we must have as leaders. essentially, we have to have this sense of inadequacy as leaders, a feeling that we are not good enough on our own to be up there in front of people guiding them in worship or whatever. the reason is we are not good enough, there's nothing we can do on our own to be good enough for God, isn't he great? he takes us like we are.

March 05, 2006

2006-03-23T14:25:00.000-05:00

i didn't end up finishing my thoughts last time. so loving God. through things that have happened in my life in the last few months and years even, i've realized that a lot of times i focus on this intellectual view of christianity. as a believer, i forget what i'm here for, and instead of enjoying my Savior and having a relationship with Him i analyze it and look at it as an academic program. i think that might be some of my problem with this whole idea of a trained clergy, what happened to the "chosen generation, a royal priesthood?" well, now that you guys have an idea of how i think of the church, ima go. peace

March 03, 2006

2006-03-23T14:23:00.000-05:00

i'm just gonna talk about what's been going on the last little while in my life. i've really learned a lot in recent times about loving God. i've just been realizing how much time i spend on other things and forgetting to pay attention to Him. this really came to my attention the other night at campus crusade here at csu. mel washington led the worship for us, there's a link to his site on the homepage, and a link to myspace if you want to here his stuff. anyway, that's enough of a plug for mel. the point is that through the music i was able to experience God in a way that i have not in a long time. it really had been forever since i was able to just kneel in His Presence and worship.